Holding it together for my family but falling apart inside

God can still do a miricale but it looks like we just need to enjoy this little time! tommorow after katies visit with adrian...if she feels well enough we will finally get to take her back to chucky chesses for one last time! hoping tommorow she will feel great just so we can have a great day together! I love her so much! she is my best friend and my eldest niece i cannot believe that the doctors say we have only a week maybe 2...but the thing is i need to enjoy it now and cry later because i dont wanna look back and see myself waisting my time with her by going away and falling apart........thats my way of seeing it people its not that i dont love her as much as all those around me falling apart but if everyone falls apart no one is there to comfort and hold those that are falling apart....and i cannot talk any longer my family needs me im sorry

Arrived at destination....Katie's house! and Laura-Beth's 2 of course lol

Auntie Ashley & Katie Did

"There is no other love like the love given from an auntie's heart!"

Ashley Riley

The days and hours seem shorter though I have learned to cherish them more. Today I finally submitted my last final….I am done with school and made all A’s and am now going to be a senior…its hard to believe…so hard I feel as if I have grown up so fast but also as I am to young to be atm you have to try to be patient with me my thoughts are scattered…my heart is shattered…my soul crys out for hope…my brain crys out for more space because its full….

Well for me its my first day of summer. I’m up here with my nieces gonna help watch them tomorrow just really want to be there with them and enjoy every second. Right now we are not telling Katie what is going on because we want her to enjoy the time she has right now and plus my thought is who knows God could prove the doctors wrong!!!!! Which I cry, beg, plead, scream, I would offer anything! For God to prove these doctors wrong….Katie is such a smart girl! And Laura-beth I worry about her she is only fixing to be 2 and I just wish I could help her understand all of what’s going on…right now Im so completely scattered that im going to stop typing! Ill type 2 u guys later thank you for all the support! And prayers please keep it up!

NB......is a bitch

I hate to say this everyone.....i also do not know how to say this some of you probably have found out through facebook or me giving you a call or texting you....I just want to be pinched and to wake up from this horrible nightmare...as of friday they called with the results of the scans and they are not just bad they are HORRIBLE.... The doctors say her marow is tired, she needs platlets once or twice a week, she has tumors in her lungs, skull, bones, bladder, and her pancreas is full of them....we are making arrangements and trying to spend the time we have with her and put it to good use...I love my nieces to death....thats really a bad way to say that but idk how else to say it... please pray for my family...tuesday we go to stay with her while my bro in law and sister go to talk to dr russell...God can do anything but at this point its just so deppressing....I cant really explain how we all feel...so just please pray thats all i have to say
over and out
Katie & Laura-beth's
Auntie Ashley

I just wanted to say sorry for not blogging much lately! Trying to be a teen and been trying to figure things out....one thing i know is i love my crazy family! I love my nieces! AND last but not least I Love Steven Brian Ford my amazing boyfriend...who has been here for me through it all even when he was just my best friend and not my bf yet but now he is and i totally am in love with him he makes me happy! I want to say i love my best friend beverly you totally rock and are always here for me! and through all this ive learned a big lesson a song once told me but now ive lived it....when one of those rocks give way look up and see who's around then...you find out who your friends are!
<3 Steven's Girl <3

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Just to see you smile

well today has been a really good day without a folie in we have the old katie back......please pray she can contiue to pee so she doesnt have to have it put back in...because the attitude of katie with it in is just a whole other child but since its been taken out that sparkle came back and its the happy go lucky no matter what katie again....so please pray for that right now both the girls are taking a nap so i have a lil tiney bit of time to blog....sorry for not blogging much for like months...its just ive been trying to finish school with the rest of the things going on in my life...so i havnt had much time
and it just blew away the second half of what i wrote ill re write it later dont have much time now to do so anyway
Thanks for all the prayers please keep them up
God Bless
Love, A very Proud Auntie Ashley

People and their questions they ask no matter how many times you have given them an answer

Ok people I have decided to finally say something!

The question I have heard so many times is Ashley why did you die your hair black?

The whole true answer is

1. I wanted to it’s my hair get over it!
2. I tried it temporary for Halloween and I liked it.
3. I WANTED SOME CHANGE
4. It’s something I could control unlike almost anything else in my life.what i mean by this is i could control it since may 14, 2009 i have felt as if i have no control over anything.
5. Yes it was a depression deep down but it was also a rebellion.
6. and I just did it because I did it!

Hmmm wonders if their will be a billboard asking me a question in big letters if I ever decided to put purple or blue streaks in it I bet so.

PEOPLE ITS MY HAIR NOT YOURS SO GET OVER IT AND KISS OFF

I don’t go around asking you why you got hair growing out your ears and everywhere else visible on your body nope because I have some class get some!

Thank You this is all I have to say on this subject now!

Ya'll please pray for katie

Just was thinking and realized....I may have reacted not like myself when katie got diagnosed but it was just a hard week! May 14, 2009

My best friend told me he was gay! and dating my other best friend then a few days later i found out katie had cancer! and so i blew up but i think i had a right to! 2 heartbreaks in one week thats like a bat hitting my heart ya know Katie having nb already had shattered my heart! I just wanna thank all those out there who have been honest to me and have not lied to me and let me cuss them out and then hug me just cause i needed to get it out.

Idk just idk i felt like saying the truth since now he isnt in the closet anymore he likes to post it all over facebook ya know so like i can come out with the truth about my whole week that terrible week!!!!