A letter to Katie From her auntie.

Dear Katie,
I will always miss you but i think i finally have gotten to the point where I am no longer stuck in that black hole of grief. I actually think what i said would never happen many time on this blog has happened. With the help of God and some amazing people who are there for me I think after 5 years and 7 months I am the auntie you remember I wasn't after you left I was different. I am back to who i was but more grown up and I am so happy about that because I think that's what you would want me to be who I  am now. To be totally honest you dying was the first time my heart ever shattered and the only time that something heart breaking broke me. It broke me. I just now am able to be the person you knew once again. I had some heartbreak after I will admit I had a relationship of 4 1/2 years end pretty much out of nowhere that hurt and i thought it hurt and broke my heart some when it happened. Should've listened to you baby girl you never liked him LOL  But I'm gonna be totally honest here the 2 things in my life that broke my heart were when I lost you and when I lost Martin. Although when I lost Martin it was later that year you were born and brought into my life i think that made losing my best friend and first crush much easier somehow you made everything different. Opened my eyes to what it meant to really love someone. Its amazing such a little girl could show me so much I honestly think you taught me more about life than anyone has well maybe nana and pop have as well.You taught me what loving someone meant. The amazing moments and the bad and how to love with my whole heart and how to get it broken. I have been so scared to love anyone that much because I was different not the person you knew i was broken. I am not broken anymore so i think its possible to really love someone and I'm really willing to take a chance on it. I have a boyfriend now and he is amazing and I think you would like him we haven't been dating very long almost a month tomorrow but I am me when i am around him. Just like i was always me around you and i bet he would make you smile he sure does me. I am just so glad that I am finally back to me i missed her. Also the friend I reconnected with that i spoke of on the last post we didn't end up staying friends but I have learned life can lead you to situations that end badly just so you can meet maybe even one person who could change the way you see things or makes you laugh like you haven't laughed in years. I am living on my own and I am going to school to become an art teacher. I think you would be so proud of the woman I have become and without you i wouldn't be here. I will always miss you but I am no longer going to grieve. That is something i had to go through for me to deal with the pain but now I am thinking that part is done. I am not saying sweetie that i might not cry every once in a while like i am while writing this because i will i will always miss you that will never change. It just is no longer the scream till my voice is gone and feel numb when I am done kind of pain. I love you very much and i know you are having so much fun up there in heaven,
Love, 4ever your Auntie Ashee